Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
