someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I think your dad took our porno
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
