Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
