Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Randomize
