Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
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