There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
me + whiskey = a bad person
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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