At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
another moral hangover. fuck.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Randomize
