Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
