Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
