he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
