Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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