I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
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