i think my tv is drunk
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
