This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
