I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
