spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Randomize
