ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
You are a booty call, not a friend.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
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