You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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