All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
