I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
