So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
