So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Randomize
