I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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