don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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