after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Randomize
