Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
