Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
