Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
