Pappa wants mamma naked
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
