I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
