it's like heaven, but drunker
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
