It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Randomize
