My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
