You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize
