I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
