i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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