i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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