He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I'm way too hungover for life right now
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
