Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
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