ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
