i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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