you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
