she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
