Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
