Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize