guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I touched a dick in church today
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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