I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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