I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
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