So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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