Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Randomize
