i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize