You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
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