I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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