I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize