I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Randomize
