Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
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