That's when you crack a 10am beer
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
