gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
