GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
