it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
