I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Randomize
