I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Randomize
