used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
