I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
