who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
